Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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