I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
