Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
