If that was your dad, he is hot
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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