Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
