i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I supernannyed him into submission
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
