get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
