careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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