Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
