i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
