that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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