Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
