It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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