She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
