you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize