so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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