how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
