so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize