Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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