My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
