i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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