This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
