i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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