Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love having hate sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We smell like vodka and hangover
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