Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
