If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
operation harelip BJ is a go
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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