Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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