AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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