im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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