Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
