Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
