Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
