I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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