I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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