I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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