i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
