There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
