his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize