She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
