The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
