just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
