im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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