Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
