Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
