You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize