I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
