get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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