...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
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Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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