Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's the barista slut.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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