So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
