My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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