i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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