Walk of Shame. In a state park.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
