We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
