That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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