Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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