I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
