why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i think i just lost a toe
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
