Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
