I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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