just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
