Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
