just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
