He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My life is pants optional.
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