she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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