I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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