you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
