I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
